Realistic Resolutions
With the hustle and bustle of the holidays out of the way, we’ve had a week to process 2021, reflect, and many of us are looking ahead to 2022.
And you know what that means: New Year’s Resolutions. If you’re lucky enough to be unfamiliar with this concept, New Years’ Resolutions are when you create goals for how you’re going to change your life in the upcoming new year.
This might sound great in theory, but usually they come with a few problems.
First and foremost: most resolutions are very vague and usually involve ways to change something your self-esteem is struggling with. Diet, exercise, and spending are all some of the most common resolutions.
Another problem is that these vague goals are often not planned out.
For example, many people have a resolution to “lose weight”. How? “I’ll start going to the gym every other day!” Again, this sounds great, but let’s take a look at this example. Has this person gone to the gym at all this year? When was the last time they went, was it consistent, and how often? Can they afford a gym membership? What are their daily responsibilities like, and will there be difficulty securing time to go?
Usually these questions aren’t explored. People are feeling motivated by the changing calendar and they ride that optimism. It works short-term, but very rarely does it work in the long run because it just isn’t realistic. This is an example of a goal that may involve drastic change immediately to achieve. Most of us just aren’t wired that way.
It’s why the gym is full in January, but largely empty by March.
Now that being said, the end of the year can be a good time for engaging in self-reflection and looking at things you want to change or improve moving forward. So, how do you do that effectively?
Start with Gratitude
Before you start looking for what you want to change and how, it’s important to reflect on the past year. Some helpful questions include:
What has gone well for me?
What am I proud of?
What have the challenges been?
What helped me get through those challenges?
Goal-setting and wanting to grow is an important part of personal development, but it’s equally important to practice gratitude and acceptance for who you are right now. You have strengths, accomplishments, connections with other people - make sure to celebrate all of that, too, before you dive right into what you want to change.
Choose Your Goals Wisely
I’ve talked about this before, but it’s crucial that your goals are for you. If your goal is to fit a societal expectation, or to match what your loved ones are doing, then it’s going to be a lot harder to stay motivated as time goes on. Changing behaviours, developing new routines, or learning new skills is hard work. It takes time, energy, and commitment.
If your goal isn’t yours - where is that motivation going to come from? This isn’t your dream or your aspirations, but you’re the one who ultimately has to live with them.
So set yourself up to succeed and choose goals that reflect you. What is the benefit of this goal to you? Why are you choosing this goal? Your goals should fit with your beliefs, strengths, and lifestyle. When you are working towards a goal that you not only chose, but more importantly believe in, you’ll feel a lot better about the hard work.
This, in turn, will keep you motivated and accountable.
Use SMART Goals
Let’s all agree right now to stop using vague goals. “I want to be healthier” is great - but what does that actually mean? “I want to lose weight” - how much? If the goal is “healthy” or “weight loss”, you can’t actually ever achieve that. Why? Because it isn’t a SMART goal.
SMART goals are a great way to set goals that will actually help you succeed. It stands for: specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-based.
“By September 2022, I want to lose 15 pounds” would be an example of a SMART version of our previous goal of “I want to lose weight.” The two goals are essentially the same, but one gives a definition (15 pounds) and a timeline (9 months). It’s also not unrealistic, and from this concrete goal you are able to create a plan of action.
But if we just stuck to “I want to lose weight”, there’s no accountability or accomplishment. How much is enough? When are you expecting to see results? Chances are, you will feel defeated as time progresses, because you’re holding yourself to an unfulfilling standard.
Start Before You’re Ready
Unfortunately, January 1, 2022 really isn’t different from Dec1, 2021, yet many of us believe that we need a “fresh start.” It’s like the idea that moving to a new town and “starting over” will solve your current problems. Realistically, you’re still going to be the same person in that town, or in this new year. So why wait to start? Why not start now?
“But I’m not ready!” You might be thinking with a tinge of panic. Here’s the thing: no one is ever 100% ready. There will always be challenges, doubts, barriers, uncertainties. That’s life. If you wait for the “perfect time”, you’ll be waiting forever.
Using dates and deadlines involves relying on external motivation to keep you on track. In the beginning, this may work.
For example: if you want to practice something everyday, having a “streak” gives you a sense of accomplishment that you don’t want to lose. But it also involves fear and, for many, a sense of shame and guilt if you “lose” that streak by missing a day. Even though you may have achieved your daily goal for 28 days, there’s a belief that all that hard work has been erased by not achieving it once.
Many then feel defeated and may give up their goal, whether it be until the next month or altogether. You feel like you’ve “failed” - even though you haven’t. You can pick yourself up and continue the work today.
Start where you are, using what you have, and working towards your goals. There’s no perfect time or “too late” when it comes to your goals.
Be sure to check out my other recent blog posts for ideas, tips, and inspiration on routines, self-care, and how to get the most out of your life.
Have a very happy New Year’s!
